An illustrated guide.

Expo Chisel-Tip Dry Erase Marker, Assorted Colors, $12/set

The very wall is your canvas as you happily blend ink and body into a kind of performance art, scrawling faster and faster, losing yourself in the thrill of forgetting the most fundamental rules of spelling, grammar, and composition in the presence of both peers and superiors alike.

Sharpie Fine Point Permanent Marker, Tuxedo Black Ink, $1.50/pair

Your bold mark-making truly crystallized our vision, which is a small price to pay for this nauseating headache and a ruined whiteboard.

Pigma Micron .005–0.8mm, Archival Black Ink, $13/set

You probably should’ve been an illustrator, except you really struggle to visualize a future without health insurance.

Noodler’s “Ahab” Fountain , Bulletproof Black Ink, $15

Your appreciation for such a timeless instrument imbues almost enough confidence to overcome the fact that you lose the first five minutes of every meeting just trying to get the damn thing to write.

Bic Crystal Stick Ball Point, Blue-Black Ink, $0 (Office Supply Closet)

You have the wisdom and humility to work with the tools given to you. You’re certainly not the type to pass judgment, but you take confidence in the fact that fancy pens won’t make you better at your job.

On the other hand, you’re sick of reminding everyone on the team that you do, in spite of all appearances, take pride in your work.

Dixon “Ticonderoga” No. 2 Pencil, HB Graphite, $1/box

Classic. Simple. Original.

Only a connoisseur such as yourself could appreciate such an elegant tool-
The perfect blend of raw material honed for a single purpose.

Of course, none of that quite explains why you stole it from a child.



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